standing in my strength

Unconditionally loving and nurturing myself was high on my agenda for mothers day. It's not something I scratch into my weekly timetable of events, figuring that eating healthy, thinking consciously and occupying a present state of being will get me through the short and curlies of life.

Throwing aside my families needs and looking after number one is difficult for me to do. I'm hardwired to look after all in my circle. 

It's a persistent trait handed down through the generations of mothers of mothers of mothers. And journeying in the well grooved path of attachment parenting for the past nine years I've been aware my tanks were veering on the outa control empty side...with a yellow light flashing!

Having high expectations on how I'd like my life to fall into place often lands me in trouble. 

Waiting for others to do as I'd like, rarely turns out the way I've intended, and tired of the routine of blame and martyrdom, I decided to take the day into my own hands. 

Instead of lowering my sights, I've decided to keep my highly positive outlook on life and work on the desired outcome myself.

That's when I booked my sacred feminine yoga retreat, a nurturing all woman retreat falling on a weekend of epic proportions!

Having done some research, and looked into the how-to-do and can-i-fit-it-in bits, I called a family huddle (a bit like a meeting but with a more loving title and perhaps more to the point!) 

I asked if it would be alright if I booked myself into Anahata yoga retreat 

... just for the night. 

I'd be walking into a programme two thirds of the way through, so wouldn't be gone long. 

And I promised to be home after lunch on Mothers day. 

After the initial disappointment that they wouldn't be able to have breakfast in bed and smooches all day with mama, the children moved on quickly to more exciting aspects of their Sunday ... a community meal and celebration, apple picking and hanging out with playmates.

Managing to organise my family's full schedule of weekend delights, I created meals in advance, made a mothers day cake for all to indulge in, organised playdates and football to fall in place, as I crammed in time for myself. 

Knowing I was missing an epic party celebrating a friends 40th and a celebration honouring a friend being initiated into the land we live on, followed by celebrations and rounded off with a community afternoon of apple picking made it easier for the children knowing that they were doing something more fun than watching mama lay around in bed. 

And as I'd made my bed ... I just had to let go and know that I was doing the right thing.

Driving up the never ending road to the sacredness of the mountain, I felt the time restraints clatter behind me, and my wheels took on wings as I left the day to day world to the hazy horizon. The more creeks I crossed and the more farm gates I opened and closed, I allowed myself to settle into a place of nurturing me, challenging myself to transition into woman ...not mama, not wife or friend. 

Just me.

And through massage exchange, meditation, yoga practice, sacred sound, dance and ritual, I found myself longing for more time to be me.

Expanding my heart, opening myself up through silence and intentional thought and creating space through stilling my mind, let me let go, just be me, without any interruptions, excuses or weaning myself off other's expectations.

And when I walked through the orchard on Sunday afternoon to a gaggle of friends of all ages hanging out in the trees, under a beauty-full lit Autumn day, I wholly realised the gift of unconditional love and nurturing. 

My tanks overspilling with gratitude and love, my children hurled themselves at me as a human blanket, my beloved cloaked me with his arms and I fully took in the beauty-full scene of a community coming together, each celebrating the divine feminine as one.

hard work paying off

my babies planting out their babies

 My mouths droolin' and I keep stroking my babies. We're only eating a few a day, but this gives us so much delight that we bless each and every one for the energy they give.

"You're so jammy, the lucky one, the one that everything falls into your lap." I've been told this countless times throughout my life.

"You're wasting your life, you're  a bum, luck will not always be at your side" are other snippets of wisdom that I've let fall along the way.

"You're so lucky, you have the time, the husband, the money, your health."

Where these are all kinda true, they don't define my success. 

I don't use the word luck or jammy or other such words that make me feel that I'm not in charge of my destiny. Instead, I look up to my dreams and snap them into place with a few simple guidelines to help fill my sails.

AIM HIGH WITH CLEAR VISION

GRAB TOOLS

CREATE WITH DISCIPLINE

KEEP THE DREAM IN SIGHT

FOCUS WITH RESILIENCE AND PASSION

and this is how we find ourselves with an awesomely growing garden...coming into winter.

Realising life would be tricky for us living with a fridge, an electrical junkie that would rob us of all our power, one of the first goals hot off the 'be doing' list was to create gardens ... from scratch.

This meant finding a suitable location near the house, clearing the site, carting up trailer loads of poo, seagrass, compost, drift wood, river stones and top soil up to our launch pad, roll up our sleeves and get to work.

original piece of dirt

And have fun!

laying cardboard after digging out area

Knowing that we would be fed abundantly by freshly plucked greens gave me a huge incentive to carry out this project. Being in the present and taking the project step by step allowed me to not be put off by such a great challenge.

For sanity during the heat of summer, various cold box projects have kept us entertained. 

The laundry sink now has a lid on it with polystyrene duct-taped to the underside, complete with a driftwood handle. Old polystyrene deli boxes with ice packs that are rotated every few days allow raw chocolate to set, two terracotta pots filled with sand and soaked with water keep the milk fresh. 

The shorter, damper days are now seen with a positive slant now that cakes can set outside, kombucha and kimchee sit smugly in the outdoor toilet and leftovers go straight to the bunny!

And now, as I talk to my dark, leafy greens that get soaked in the autumn downpour and are stroked by the beams from the afternoon sun, I look back at our progress, what we've learned along the way and expand with joy that this gardening lark aint that hard after all.

figureheads

Haunui, waka hourua

"So, you think that homeschooling is all about making money do you? It's kids like you that should be in school."

On lookout for daddy who was greeting an ocean-voyaging waka with his team of waka ama paddlers, we basked our bodies on the breakwater of Tarakohe's port yesterday.

Mirrored waters in the harbour reflected back to us the beauty of stingrays and snapper idling and gliding, and my children drifting around the steep rocky walls, seals, cormorants and penguins on radar, hanging out at the penguin nesting holes that they'd help build 18 months ago.

We had a good wait.

Four hours with little food, toys or techno games.

No wingeing, no boredom, only an underground growling of excitement as we watched a rare event unfold before us.

Haunui, an ocean waka, sailing around New Zealand spreading messages of sustainability, oceanic conservation and raising awareness of climate change was billed at arriving 'around the middle of the day'.

Locals came and went, ready to greet the waka hourua to the shores of our Golden Bay.

Schools of children played tag as their allotted time restraints kept them playing relay, teachers shuttling flotillas to and from school.

Some sat the day out, mixing the autumnal rays with a shot of conversation, making friends, talking about celestial navigation, maori culture and life.

Others left frustrated that the double hulled waka's crew of sixteen had not phoned, face booked or text through exact times of their ETA.

And two slightly weathered figureheads graciously dressed for the occasion in lilac hats, sat upon the prow of the rocky arm, accepting polite enthusiasms regarding their attire from my children.

Three pirates wooing ladies with their play-full endeavours, conversation skills and eagerness to watch their daddy flank a cultural symbolism of hope and peace.

Talk of overfishing, maori tales and how to catch the perfect crab seemingly had them hook, line and sinker.

Until the elders launched an attack on why they weren't in school.

"We don't go to school," piped up the eldest Peter Pan
"Mummy homeschools us," charged in the second.
"Bum bum hair!" anchored the third.


 "So, Mummy teaches you does she? What does she teach you?' asked the lilac hat.
"Mummy doesn't TEACH us," mentions the eldest. "She just lets us play."

Silence.

A bloodcurdling cry from an overhead seabird echoes my thoughts.

Allowing themselves to be steered into conversation by my charmingly honest three, the two proud ladies gradually fell apart as they found out that not only did the children learn life through living it, sailing the seas of practicality, action and knowledge, but my eldest had her own business and had more money than mummy!

Having then equipped their astounded audience with the finer details of household finances and how they were going to contribute to the family's economic path, the ladies forcefully stood up, brushed down their skirts and put on authoritative faces.

"Life's not about making money Miss, and if you went to 
school where you belong then you would know this."

Not to be taking prisoner, a rebuke from my daughter, "But we just want Daddy home. If he has to be the one making the money, then he's too tired to play. If we all make our own money doing what we love to do, then we can all play all the time."



With that, the figureheads disengaged themselves from their anchored place of prominence and set sail, sensing a battle they'd initiated had totally backfired in their wake.

Unperturbed, the sea-nymphs took up positions in their crows nest and hulla-balloed as their captain of the seas paddled close to Haunui, the waka hourua bringing her home to Golden Bay.

the rhythm of Life

Rhythmic dancing

Three months into crash-landing into our new nest in the trees, carrying the wonder condition known as TMJ, stopped me in my runaway flight path. Looking into this dis-ease created insight into what I already knew. It was time to lay aside the non-stop nurturing to all and sundry and start looking after my beloved me.

Who was me?

It’s been a while since I played with her!

Almost a decade into attachment parenting with three children … and all that comes in the package of baby-wearing, co-sleeping, long term breast feeding, child-led unschooling, natural birthing, eating and living, it was easy to fall into the trap that that was me.

All of me.

But becoming disabled by such a painful condition led me back inside myself as bedtime was before the children’s, meals were avoided due to being unable to chew, headaches allowed me to put down my books, computer, friendships and consult the inner child.

For weeks on end.

What a positive outcome!

Boxes left to unpack themselves, a home used as a camp ground, I got into the more pleasureable task of what used to make me tick. 

What fired me up, coursed electricity through my skin, encased me in bliss and contentment.

A few things came up … and one of those loves of my life has now materialised into my week, honouring me and the hungry child within.

Dance.

I LOVE to dance.

It releases unwanted emotion, collects bliss and creates a harmony I have yet to find in other places. 

I will take any form …zumba, disco, dance parties or aerobics. 

But I have found the most expressive form for me as last night a clutch of our community came together in a wave, dancing to the five rhythms.

Wallowing in the warm, calm waters of stretching and fluidly moving our bodies to the beginning of a sequence of music that peaked with its white maned horses crashing us through the dance studio.

The sun setting over the Bay’s pulsating waves below us, the trees gently enveloping us into their own production, collectively moving to the rhythm of the wind, allowed me to reach deep inside and, without voyeurs lurking in shadows, explode with an energy that was needing to fly from within and radiate out to a collective energy force encircling the room in a crescendo of life.

Being brought back to earth calm, filled with energy and with smiles that had been seductively stretched across our faces, my friends and I returned up the hill, crashing our way through the absolute darkness of thick native bush feeling every bit myself, content and well exercised.

Living Life More: the simple life

Living Life More: the simple life: Simplicity abounds around here. A beauty-full octagon building made with strong native timbers, large windows allowing the natural light t...

the simple life

Simplicity abounds around here.

A beauty-full octagon building made with strong native timbers, large windows allowing the natural light to filter through the shadows at different times of the day.

The manuka forests standing erect, bowing only to the sweet kiss of the warm breeze that skitters across the crystal-laid roof of our home.

The gentle, panoramic view of the calm waters of the Bay, with a smudge hinting at land across the lagoon, with long white clouds resting their weary load on the top of the peaks of the other national park we're graced by.

The peace of the day.
The ever present cicadas sing their three day love song, no trains, planes or automobiles flatlining a persistent hum....none of a refrigerator, TV or radio station blurring the present time of being.

The solar panels lounge in the heat, sucking in the light, slurping it deep into the body of Tui T'Mala.

And as the ever persistent skies of summer turn white with tones of grey, an ever present nagging feeling in my belly says 'I told yah so!"

Waking for the first time this morning with no power would not normally facilitate such a deep response. In the past, phoning the power company, neighbours or landlord to rectify the problem ... or rather pass-it-on, would have sufficed. This dark morning's glower however, was all up to me.

Placing candles around the breakfast table and pulling out seaweed crackers and hastily creating raspberry chia jam for the children's fast breaker, gifted me the most extraordinary of looks from routine-rutted clients at my walk-in diner.
The head torch produced a choreographed drama of donning head gear for similar effects by my voyeurs.

'Mama's being weird, let's be nice to her today.' A whisper slipped from my eldest's lips.

My forhead lighting up the inverter box told me that we had indeed run outa power in our batteries. The one's that we're meant to care for and nurture with sunlight, keeping their bellies filled for future power usage.

Ooops!

The red light persistently winking at me, not letting on. The answer was not found in the book of jargon either, a concise life-history of our solar system.

Seeing the lesson immediately helped me to identify the problem and attempt to solve it.

If we keep putting energy out without caring for our back-up systems; not filling them with love, sunlight and peace ... then when our first port of call runs dry, where do we go to fill-up?

Indeed.

I have been there before. 

And a physical or mental breakdown is the usual response. Whether that lurks in the form of a cold, mental instability or dis-ease. Without nurturing our dear selves with whatever makes us tick, with a lie-in, a night out with mates, a weekend climbing or splashing out on a retreat, we too can run outa power and grind to a halt.

In today's case it meant working out how to isolate the inverter from the batteries, to stop our greedy household appliances guzzle the sweet nectar of life and suppling generated power to the support system of our powered up home. 

Without this we've no green smoothies or juices, the dehydrator has it's siesta while the crackers and breads fizz and ferment in the afternoon, as the sun delivers it's fanfare of an otherwise overcast day.

No power to google the problem's solution, only trust and common sense that leaving the generator on while I 'popped' into town, a four hour vacation from the simple life, would not over tax the battery supply but at the very worst would use up all the fuel.

And that was the answer. 

After several weeks of nagging intuition, prompting me to look into this up and coming headache, I managed to find the time to declutter my overflowing brain for long enough to flick a couple of switches, illuminating the present and heading outa the door throwing whole fresh foods at the children and heading to market for the day. 

With a cacophony of delights in town and friends positively enthused about the glowing autumnal day, the morning horrors of damaging our powers life support system faded into the non present and I sucked up the abundant energy exchanged in conversation, simply shopped for organic seedlings to plant in my ever growing kitchen garden and watched tour tribes children fill themselves with the power of love, sunshine and friendship, banking it in their holding systems to draw on in future gloomy days.

Busy being

We’re living our dream.

It’s not quite as fluid as when you fall asleep and live in your subconscious, but the dream of ocean views, beauty-full home nestled deep in the natural world of the south island of New Zealand, living in intentional community, off the grid and on the boundaries of our intended national park is keeping us firmly living on mama earth.

We finally got here and it didn’t take too long once we got clear with our goals!

So, now we’re tucked into our spaceship, we’re having to bend our knowledge and conscious thoughts to making the universal jigsaw complete.

And sometimes this gets messy!

Finding out we needed to buy a 4WD to get to the property.

Not forgetting to add a towbar so that we could get everything we needed on a trailer to get up the hill.

Then a mobile phone as otherwise, at the very least, the community that we live in couldn’t contact us (it’s a bit of a climb to get to us at the top.)

The 'complete lack of top soil so we have to get some quick' to create gardens so that we don’t need the fridge that we haven’t got!

The fridge that we need doesn’t come along too often second hand…three way or gas…either one will set us back a few thousand dollars.

Starting from scratch, the community has enabled us to settle in comfortably by helicoptering a water tank in so that we could be on the creeks water supply with a solar panelled pump,

laying pipes to ensure the water can get to where it needs to go to. 

WOOFERS removing concrete rubble from the old water catchment pool so that the tractor can get through to do the work.

A fire installed,

a deck fence built, 

a bathroom facility made functional, 

a bedroom built outa the workshed that now adjoins the original bedroom with steps leading up to a door. 

Electricity connected, 

additional solar panels and battery back up, 

a cave for the generator.

The list has been relentless..and there’s still a good deal of work to be getting on with.

Meanwhile, adjusting our food preparation is an ongoing process.

Living with a super dooper vitamix and dehydrator on solar means that relying on dehydrated breads, wraps and crackers has fallen away to seeing these foods as treats.

Raw chocolate alchemy comes into force using the night garden as a fridge to set the sweet treats, making only what is needed at each meal and to eat an abundance of fresh foods economically.

Gardens have been made from scratching around the clay hill, enabling us to gather our food at it’s best…collecting sea grass, horse poo and top soil, cutting back the bush to not only safeguard the house from potential fire damage, but allowing us to create more space for more edible plants.

Frequent trips to the paddocks of this land, collecting bundles of dandelion, plantain and cleavers, the orchard for our seasonal fruit and the bush for lesser known wonders of the plant family feeding us each the minerals our bodies yearn for.

Filling our bellies aside, filling our home only with furnishings eagerly found at garage sales, classifieds and the local tip, we’re luxuriously living in other peoples junk … hand made tapestry curtains, oak dressers, shell-inlaid rimu dining chairs and table, Turkish rugs, fine tableware, plants and outdoor furniture.

Creating a home outa literally nothing is filling us up inside, opening our hearts, creating new friendships, reusing otherwise landfill refuse and using trade as a better system to hard cash where we all benefit from the exchange.

I will be opening our doors to you, charting our journey of living in our spaceship, high up in the trees overlooking a Bay steeped in European history, retelling the everyday stories of our dream as the vision uncurls like the baby ferns surrounding us.

Stories of unschooling, living off grid, project managing, building gardens, tree houses, climbing constructions, creating food, living in intentional community, building an underground greenhouse, outdoor bathrooms and having the time of our lives just being.

shifting seasons

Happy equinox to y'all ... a beauty-full serene time ... autumn glowing in the sun that sets, dew perforating along the deck and winter greens birthing in their new beds.


Feeling the shift of seasons and the start of something new. 

I'm back!

Thought I'd better get back to yah before a year slid by!

What have I been up to?

I've held two outrageously awesome and funny ten week courses in 'Warming up to raw', 

written two books,

been in various roles as an ambassador to raw in festivals, magazines, radio and film, 

moved to a dream house (again) 

and to a dream location (yep! again!). 

I've been building gardens, 

nurturing my nest, 

planning and having oodles of fun in the ocean, bush and trailing after my three bush faeries as they explore their new surroundings!

Having landed in our dream location, held in intentional community, our summer days have been filled with a combination of partying, festivals, planting gardens and building our home. 


The nest is now ready for our hibernation.

And I'm ready to bring you news from my new lifestyle.

Raw on solar! 
Naturally, living life more!

A new website, a new book and a new blog is all underway...
can't wait to tell you all about it!

what d'ya fancy doing today?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?” 
― Mary Oliver, New and Selected Poems


This question has lodged it's vibration in my mind, making me halt and think about the unnecessary clutter that litters my mind.
It opens so many doors for daydreaming.

I literally get quite high with imagining that I can board a plane to exotic paradises, feel the wind pull at my hair, adrenaline surging through my body as I sail the high seas, hang out, dream, bask in the sun, be with my children wholeheartedly 100% without my mind wanderin' over to more mundane places. To jump in the car, plane, spaceship and see far-flung friends and family, to paint, write, sing and dance. To eat well, laugh a lot, to be free and live on a 'what d'ya fancy doing today basis'.

To be the first in the queue.

And I look at all this and know how possible it all is.

It's nothing I haven't done before.

I'm learning to calm my destructive mind that I 'should' be working, looking after others, writing letters home, making oodles of money.
When the world keeps spinning and I can't jump off, when dreams are slipping and I need to hold them up, I think of this verse and know it's alright.

To live in the higher vibration of joyfulness and love enables all this to come to me and more. It sets dreams in motion, excitement and lightness of being in place and calms the ego into submission.

To just be and see what unfolds, to follow the path of freedom in which ever form that takes.
Today it's writing, yesterday; playing with children in muddy waters and stormy seas. It may be work; a lunch break filled with endless possibilities pulsating joy through the blood. Flicking through You tube posts, hearing a joke, watching a puppy play, a child smile, an elder give a nugget of wisdom from the past.

"I want to think again of dangerous and noble things. I want to be light and frolicsome. I want to be improbable and beautiful and afraid of nothing as though I had wings.” 
― Mary Oliver

To live as if I had no worries, financial freedom and joy at my fingertips creates pockets of bliss, freeing my mind from restrictions, shoulds and must do's.

I will write this verse out and put it up in unlikely places of my home, prompting instantaneous daydreaming and in the twinkling of an eye my visions will be my reality.

life's a pleasure

Travelling along like the speed of light still clothed in summer, we've been knocked flat on our backs as the leisurely days of autumn lay crumpled at our feet. The aroma of wood smoke, cut grass and over ripe grapes withering on the vine under the kitchen window, rescue our senses and alert our minds to slow down, let it all go and start packing up for hibernation. 

Cold mornings making me reach for lighting the fire, sharing the family bed for an extra half an hour, snuggling deep down and loving, laughing and laying in. Our days are becoming shorter, the sun shining intensely on us, the Bays placid waters breathing life slowly in and exhaling out. 

And aint that what life's all about?

Life's simple pleasures. Practising mindfulness, living simply, seasonally, sensationally. 

Equals happy.

And that's what we're all striving for right? To be happy. To be loved. To be well. To live out our life. 

To be.

So, amid all the noise, confusion, have to's and must to's, we need to remind each other that to slow down, to give each other simple pleasures, to find what it is that makes us tick tock 'round that clock, is what it's all about. Without looking around us, without looking within us and without taking the time seeing someone else's greatest pleasures, then we can not fully be happy, radiant and joy-full.

My wandering meditation on my bike yesterday, cycling amongst ancient ratas, being whalloped by the early mornings rays, was listing my simple pleasures.

A lot of them were prompted by my steady ascent up through native bush, body working hard, mind needing to be stifled with sweet murmerings. I list them below for you. 

I wonder how many of my pleasures ignite the fire within you ...

1/ listening to sweet bird song, chattering in the trees

2/ feeling the warmth of the sun caress your skin

3/ watching the sky paint it's beauty in the sunrise

4/ contemplating clouds drifting overhead, morphing into different shapes

5/ immersing yourself in child's play

6/ being slammed by a breath-taking view

7/ enjoying a cool breeze tease your hair

8/ listening to the waves lap onto the shore

9/ playing hide 'n' seek

10/ listening to your favourite piece of uplifting music

11/ dancing

12/ kissing

13/ laughing 'til you nearly wet your pants and you have tears rolling down your cheeks

14/ making someone smile

15/ spending time with your bestest buddies

16/ cuddling

18/ eating the bestest raw chocolate in the world

19/ reading a handwritten letter

20/ snuggling up in your favourite chair with a really good book

21/ going to the cinema with your friends

22/ picking up the phone and hearing your loved ones from overseas

23/ helping someone in need

24/ sleeping in fresh sheets that have blown dry on the line

25/ sitting amongst trees

26/ being quiet near running water

27/ getting soaked to the skin, then coming home, getting dry and snuggling into your favourite sloppy clothes

28/ watching a funny film

30/ finding the bargain of the century

31/ smelling puppy breath

32/ singing out loud

33/ looking up at the stars at night

34/ hugging your children

35/ hanging out around the fire

36/ popping bubble wrap

37/ guzzling sun warmed fruit straight from the tree

38/ the smell of the sea

39/ having a good catch up with an old friend

40/ going to sleep while the rain falls heavily outside

41/ planning an adventure

42/ realising dreams

43/ reading an old journal, letters, cards

44/ knowing that your actions have made someones lives happier

45/ when you're given some unexpected windfall

46/ doing nothing and just being

47/ when someone you adore thinks you're the bees knees

48/ knowing who you are

49/ planting a tree

50/ eating from your garden, orchard, windowsill

Now, instead of chasing  my tail and focusing on what I haven't accomplished, whenever I get my knickers in a twist about something, I shall take a few moments out of my day and find a simple pleasure.

Unwrap it, smell it, take it in.

 Then, I will be loving my life more, living my days happily and feeling sensationally well! 

1.